Self-esteem at work: valuing oneself and others effectively

How important self-esteem is in the workplace (as in life) is certainly an obvious concept: for all of us it is important to have the perception of one’s own value, in order to work better, feel more satisfied and be more productive. Obviously, also for managers it should be of primary importance to consider the sense of self-worth of their employees and to know how to support and nurture it.

So let’s see what are the basic principles to be able to value oneself and others effectively.

The first concept we need to know is that self-esteem is an unconscious process. It is not possible to “convince” oneself of one’s value, but only to acquire an inner perception of what we are and what we can offer to the world. For this reason the techniques that we will see are all processes of gradual and psychological acquisition of a new and better perception of oneself.

In fact, the other aspect to consider is that self-esteem (fortunately) depends exclusively on us and on how we see ourselves. Surely the reality in which we are immersed influences us, but we can make a difference not by changing others and their judgments (as would naturally be done) but by changing our way of perceiving the stimuli we receive and their interpretation.

The first step therefore is to become aware that it is not the judgment of others that influences us, but how much we identify with that judgment or not. If our awareness of ourselves is strong and sure, it will certainly not be what others say that will make us change our minds.

Developing good self-esteem is therefore an exclusively internal, personal and individual process. So focus only on yourself and reach the goal!

Strenghts

The most important aspect for developing good self-esteem is to know and value your strengths. A good exercise can be to write them down, updating the list from time to time and rereading it frequently. Also notice how the list changes according to your mood, notice if sometimes there are days when you feel like you don’t know how to do anything and others when you feel the best in your field: notice how you are always the same but the your perception of yourself can change!

Another important resource in this case are other people: try asking people you value what they think your strengths are. You will be surprised by their answers!

Weak points

There is no human being without weak points. It is not trying to hide them or ignoring them that you will be able to get away with it, on the contrary, knowing your “weaknesses” is necessary, just as it is vital for expert mountaineers to recognize the dangerous points of a route in order not to fall into fault.

And what to do with the weak points, once identified? There are two cases: working with them or accepting them. Personally, I suggest starting with acceptance, also because this will make it much easier to work on it. Remember: any great man or woman in history was full of weaknesses, but he knew how to enhance them or make sure they didn’t affect his strengths.

The point therefore is not to have defects, but to know how to manage them.

Constant improvement

Those with low self-esteem are inclined to always move on safe ground, but in doing so they never test themselves and never manage to overcome their limits, implicitly confirming the reasons why they do not consider themselves up to par. Facing the unknown, being curious, continuing to learn, to ask, to dissolve one’s doubts and gaps is indirectly one of the best ways to increase one’s self-esteem!

Be aware of the words you use

The way we speak always reflects the way we think. The whiners by profession live in a horrible world. On the other hand, those who are grateful for the reality that surrounds them have a completely different perception of themselves and of the world. This is true in an objective way: our language reinforces and modifies certain neuronal connections: every time we judge we feed that certain brain pattern, for better or for worse. So we might as well reinforce the positive side of our mind, right?

Finally, let us remember that the most important words are those we address to ourselves. How do you address yourselves in your mind? Often the way we address ourselves is so harsh that we would never dream of addressing others in the same way. So why with us yes? There is nothing strange, it is normal to be very judgmental with oneself, however it is certainly not a positive thing and the sooner we stop doing it the better!

Notice how you talk to yourself. Try writing down the judgments you make about yourself on a piece of paper. Notice how negative judgments are obstacles to your self-esteem. The good news is that if we are the ones who create the obstacle then we can always be the ones who remove it.

Don’t give up

The last piece of advice is to never throw in the towel. In our culture, those who fail once are “finished”, when failures are the necessary basis for success. Allow yourself the luxury of failing, knowing that it is necessary to achieve your goal. And there is no better medicine for self-esteem than achieving your goals, not giving a damn about failures, or rather thanking them for teaching you something and thus allowing you to get to where you are.